And I dont know why I get to Kaiser and run upstairs. They did this to me. He saw my vision board. He shakes my hand. Its never the same after that. No one did that. Three days before prom he walks to the board. Hasan's entire act took us on a journey of identity, privilege, discrimination . And then my dad would do what most br0wn parents do. And now, Im trying to pursue my dreams, Im trying, but now youre writing about me, you act like were cool, when were not. Required fields are marked *. But, but you have to write another original piece. How many letters in the alphabet? [laughter] They wont get it, dude. Youre a fucking idiot. And everyones like, Oh, the atheist prophet speaks! So this clip went viral, him and Ben Affleck. This is a secret that nobody told me! Davis, what's up? Say something. She starts talking about rent control and I cut her off. photo printing bundaberg. This is fucked up. Killing it! Dad saw the Toys R Us catalog on my wall. And I can feel this turtle head coming out of my butt. Alright, you guys are all killing it academically but I want you to know there is more to life than just getting into UC Berkeley. One kid was like, I know, getting into Stanford. Hes like, No, you have to live a life worth talking about, which is why Im making it mandatory for everyone in this class to go to prom. Im like, All 30 of us? Dad had a heart attack. My dad had just suffered a quintuple bypass. No fun, no friends, no girlfriends. I dont care what anyone says. Hasan bhai! Im like, Yo, kick rocks! I go play tetherball. Youve got to ease your way in. I saw her in the sandbox. There are just a few apps missing. Coming Soon, Regal All rights reserved. One night she was like, Hey, come over. I bike over to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition. No. Hasan Minhaj ( / hsn mnh ( d) / HUSS-n MIN-hahzh, -hahj; [a] born September 23, 1985) is an American comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actor, and television host of Indian descent. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Patriot Act. Im going to jump off and land on my bike. What do you like? Im not Larry David. And he goes, Hey, man, relax. Hasan Minhaj's new special,. A transcript of the examination and interview follows. Its not like a broken condom where youre like, Im in! [laughter] Eight years. I wanted to protect you. Youre never going to get married. And Im standing there on that doorstep. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Why didnt you forgive her? he asks his son. Out of college. Its done. And he reaches in, and pulls out a beautiful, blue BMX bike. Why are you telling me this right now? Every conversation with my dad is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. You can hear me, right? Thats it. Stop imagining her having sex with Rajesh Rengatramanajananam. Me and Dad run outside and all the windows on the Camry are smashed in. Thank you. Im blessed. Are you kidding me? What are you into? I was like, What?, What do I like? Its so big, it barely fits in his Facebook profile. Starbucks, Wi-Fi, freeways, happy birthday. Listen, me and my girlfriends live in Manhattan and we were wondering if we could get some tix? Question mark. 26 letters in the alphabet, right? Have you guys seen Real Time With Bill Maher? I decided not to go. Everybody in the class looked at me. Take it. But then I realized, wait, hold on. Your courage to do whats right has to be greater than your fear of getting hurt. I really believe love is bigger than fear. I could feel it, like hed slapped me in a previous life. Right? Go. I run up to her. elyes gabel injury; shark tracker tasmania; young lady old lady illusion explained; susquehanna river musky fishing Weve all been there. He agrees. In the photo hes like, You had better get all As. Like, lets be real. I hated her. Do you know what day it is? Its Saturday. No, its my birthday. Dont just, like, go into it. Because I dont give a fuck about any of my single friends. It was a big deal for a lot of us. This is new br0wn America. We got our first A-list celebrity to back the Muslim community. Late at night on AIM, back and forth, back and forth You guys dont know this. Do tell. You know the way our family is. You know, I kept doing comedy. Match up to three ways. God is laughing at me. To tell them youre good enough. Im like, Uh Racist Randy wants that red sauce. Your brain can be racist, but your body will just betray you. The same year, he wrote Minhaj's speech for the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. Gods not like, Youre racist. His brother is like, Im fucked. I was like, Yeah, you know, I decided not to go. Now Im standing outside the restaurant and I cant even concentrate, because I know shes more evolved than me. I take off. Sitting presidents have sat on that desk. Can I ask him the question? Hes like, Okay, Alice. Theres br0wn dads here, like, If my son did that, I would shoot myself and then shoot him. He says yes. Is that pepperoni pizza? Therefore I will grant your wish. Dont mind if I do. Thank God Jeff took her. Were family. Im like, No, thats on you and Mom. Spray on the Michael Jordan cologne. What does it mean? Its a term of endearment in my culture, meaning brother. Look, Mom, Dad, lets just be real. Turn left. Her family owns a camera. My dad was like, A camera? So he runs to my grandfathers house and lays it on the line. They love bottling them up deep down, and unleashing them on you later when its no longer relevant. And I know some of you guys are like, Hey, this is Davis, okay? Popping out of your mom is like real estate. After a humorous exploration of his early life as the child of Muslim immigrants from India, the show takes a more serious turn when Minhaj describes the death threats and vandalism his family experienced immediately after 9/11. Running time: 72 minutes Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? Youre a dick. Thats the last time we ever spoke. Whoa! But for the most part, I actually think about it the way my dad does. Every br0wn birthday party. 8.2. Lets move to the US where were the only people that know each other. Im so grateful for that decision. Be a doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want. Professor X, Magneto, that close. Homecoming King, the story of the "New Brown America," is based on true events from Minhaj's first generation Indian-American experience. Cool. I just walk up and Im like, Alright, yeah. Its like 20 feet. ' I ran home, I was like, Dad, I would like to go to prom. [speaking Hindi] Which means, I will break your face. Duly noted, father. Bethany, situation at home. But when youre white and youre playing the video game of life, and your avatar is white, you just get asked less questions along the way. No one is. I need her, Dad. The comedian muses on stoned koalas, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his sex drive and more. And my dad It was her first birthday in the US. Her father is this successful retired judge. Tools, Clear History. Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. I grew up here. Thats why I brought you here. By what name was Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) officially released in India in English? Because love is bigger than fear. I wish I could tell him that. Have you seen the show called The Slap? Oh, 15,000 miles. And Aisha hates that story. Please dont say anything. She looks up from her book, and shes like, You know what? Davis California.. Youve seen this on TV. I was a lover. I have to change my pants. Clothes, culture, money. Im picking up soda and Im like, Ah! Dont do that. Im going to live forever! Then I would trip on my Velcro shoes and I would drop the soda and it would explode. I remember being in the grocery store. Hindus and Muslims are like the Montagues and Capulets of India. My mom and dad are arguing in Hindi. Im not proud and no one is proud. Isnt that how all this stuff happens? She went to an Ivy League law school. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Log kya kahenge? Turn left. We rally the troops, Me, Mom, Dad, Aisha, we get in the Camry, were driving to my fiances house. By opting to have your ticket verified for this movie, you are allowing us to check the email address associated with your Rotten Tomatoes account against an email address associated with a Fandango ticket purchase for the same movie. "The King's Jester" reps the second stand-up comedy special that Minhaj has produced and starred in. For years I resented that br0wn girl. MCAT, DAT, youre going to the Caribbean, its a wrap. Married. Never happened. Turn left. Then he turns right, and Im like, Home Depot? Number two, you want me to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to see? Whats up? Princess from here down, Toad from here up. For this, we honor it with a Peabody Award. Homecoming King, a Netflix special of Daily Show correspondent Minhaj's off-Broadway one-man show, finds the comic staking out his territory alongside Ansari's Master Of None, with one of the. Youre not Hasan Minhaj. What happened was, my dad would go back and forth to India to visit my mom, and during one trip he knocked her up. Are you kidding me? Ah, you kill me!, Thats the way our parents are, right? I missed that girl. You know what I mean? Howve you been? #MrP. You're almost there! Walk in there, be cool. Hes like, Hanson, this is not funny. He walks over to the board, he pulls it down. Youre my white prince., Dont you realize what happened in that moment? (1977) The Alamo: (1936, 1960 & 2004) The Alamo . Saddam Husseins a Ghostbuster? Yeah, Im a br0wn Ghostbuster. Isnt life like biryani, where you push the weird shit to the side? We should do this more often. Youre getting there., I get to her house. Status updates, away messages, sub profile, Boyz II Men. Who gives a fuck? Dave Chappelle talks about Kanye West, the 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump. So one day he gets up in front of the entire class. Younger siblings, you guys are worthless. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. Its like phones connected to the land. Whipping through the streets of LA. Meanwhile, I I didnt go to grad school. After reflecting, here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj. I was like, Im a headliner. Walk in there, be confident. Its March Madness for nerds. We get to this intersection, and I look to my left, and its the one place every kid dreams about. With topics ranging from tight rompers to ugly bras to why every man needs a box spring, Iliza remains the hilarious, affecting voice of her generation. Let me know when youre in New York. To which I reply, abso-f*cking-lutely. Now, against the advice of my therapist I go on Facebook, because she has a public profile. Did you forget? Hes like, Hasan, how could I forget that its your birthday? "Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King," Mr. Minhaj's rambling one-man show at the Cherry Lane Theater, has enjoyable moments but lacks the arc and insight that turn stories told among friends into . I hear footsteps. I was like, Are we getting married? You dont deserve so much choice. Were getting soft. How is this possible? And I know the older generation doesnt like those jokes. This just rubs off. Were sitting there. Not going to be a doctor? Shes like, Hasan bhai, why dont you take it out? And as an elder brother, I felt entitled to that bike. list of munros excel; nicole wegman ring concierge family. I jump off, I somehow land, I get on my bike. So when 9-11 happened I was in high school. Toys R Us. Dad goes, Put on Indian clothes. Im like, Alright. Ice water in the veins. Youre not. Youve got cards to play. Some of you guys are just in college, Snapchatting. I love it. I need you. Back in the day, we had to fire up the internet like goddamn cavemen. Thirteen episodes for this kid? Why are you hunting down people from your past like a psycho? By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Because she knew the rules. We go, Ah, Biju got slapped on his birthday! And thats what makes us tough and resilient. [laughter] My dad did not give a shit about any of this identity stuff. The special navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp (1939) Aladdin series: Aladdin: (1992 & 2019) Aladdin and the King of Thieves (1996) Alag (2006) Alai (2003) Alaipayuthey (2000) Alam Ara (1931) Alambrado (1991) Alambrista! So some of you guys dont know. I heard an audible Oh! Alright. The starring, who is also the writer of the video, Hasan Minhaj grows up in an India American Muslim background. (2012) Full Transcript, Oh, Hello On Broadway (2017) Transcript, Ellen Degeneres: Relatable (2018) Transcript, Pete Holmes: Dirty Clean (2018) Full Transcript, Vir Das: Losing It (2018) Full Transcript, Volker Pispers about USA (2004) Transcript, Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (2018) Transcript, Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: Weve Been . Why are you bald and skinny? And my mom, she would come and visit, and just kill the mom game. Your boy, headlining Gotham Comedy Club. It elevates your game. Now everybodys looking at me so Ive got to improvise. She starts crying and runs out. Hello? I grab the second phone. Available in: 720p.WEB 1080p.WEB WEB: same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles. Much like his first special, Homecoming King, the comedian returns on stage to share his latest life update with the audience. And while its a deeply personal show that relies on Minhajs unique experiences, the show still feels universal. You guys wanna know a secret? Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. The Circus: Inside the Greatest Political Show on Earth: Season 8, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer. Ive never gotten a sunburn. Big, delicious sliders, only at your Pizza Hut. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Dont be tacky. Oh, they made it! Mrs Reed opens the door. You want me to change my life for Naila Aunty? Its not a 90-hour saga. Not your typical stand up special, But special nonetheless! I hear a voice. She sat behind me, first day, shes like, Hey whats your AIM screen name?. I am Jon Stewart. I would love to meet up. Shes like, Yeah, lets meet up. And I go from LA to New York, direct flight. Weve got to round them up, weve got to contain them. And Ben Afflecks like, Are you crazy? Its all about location. Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there? I need the claps. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes. Thats you. Now the ball is in our court, were going to be bigoted? Hello, who is this? Hi, its Alice. I was like, No! Im livid. Lets see what the internet is saying about me. Youre Hussan Minhajj. Mr Pendletons like, So, lovebirds, what happened? Not your typical stand up special, but Hasan has constructed a fantastic way to tell his story that is both hilarious and touching at the same time. Im choking. Look at his name! Its a big deal. Im here to talk about prom. [laughter] And her face went white. (Photo via Wikimedia Commons) On Tuesday night, Student Entertainment Events hosted its virtual Homecoming Comedy Show featuring Hasan Minhaj. Oh, my God, these br0wn people Oh, jeez. Ill bike to your place, we dance it up, and if I die, I had a great run. You know? You knew how hard it was for me, and then I was so insecure at that age that I couldnt date another white person, because I was afraid of not being able to be with them, because of the color of my skin. Come on, Dad. Keywords: high school stand-up comedy immigrant experience. She has a PhD. Hey, man, where are you going? And its Jon. I call my mom, shes crying. Thirty years ago in a town in India, population 990,000 thats a small town my dad heard a buzz in the streets about this woman named Seema, my mom. Other days, No, fuck that. 30. Hey, you sand n*gger, wheres Osama?. Are we? You have to be brave, his father urged. I have opinions. No, you dont. Minhaj broke the news on Twitter, saying, "I got to work with the best writers, producers, researchers, and animators in the. Just saw my high school prom date in a Pizza Hut ad. #throwback. [laughter] I dont want to be a doctor! Log kya kahenge! No! August 11th, 1993. Theyre in New York. She used to call me on my phone. My dads like, When the visa comes through. When the visa comes through.. Ten syllables. Dont worry, it wont take long. [laughter] What about Mr Rengatramanajananam? Shes like, I hit it off with this guy. The class goes nuts. Verified reviews are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers. No more birthdays. Six years old, Janice Malo. I sit down and were running it, and Im nervous. Just to see her one last time. So by my senior year of high school, I had yet to go to a school dance, I had been cut from the basketball team, and I had just got off this medicine called Accutane so my skin and face was peeling. Thank you. Im livid. I didnt know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling at you, he says. And were about to pull up and we get to the door, and my dad is about to ring the doorbell, when he says the sentence that is the killer of every br0wn kids dream. So my dad marries my mom, they come to the States, they have me, in Davis, California, but my mom has to go back to India to finish up med school. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. We used to have landlines. This is a real show on NBC. My dads from that generation where he feels like if you come to this country, you pay the American dream tax. How many times behind closed doors do we complain about racism in our community? Minhaj asks. Oh, how do you find people? Dimples? Give me the Rajesh Rengatramana motherfucking-jananam. Like, No! God is laughing at me. Im doing that right now. We love that you come over and study. [laughter] Dont you know what this means? Whats that smell? Im not going to open myself up to that. It is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of. I look at my dad, like, If this is the last time I see my dad Im saying goodbye to a person I barely even know. And Im waiting, hoping that he comes out of surgery okay. Shes like, Everybody has been asking why we didnt go. Oh, you couldnt go to prom with a white girl? That was your chance. Just below that it reads "Ticket Confirmation#:" followed by a 10-digit number. So Im looking at her, like, Dont say anything. All men created equal. It says it right here, Im equal. No! Im like, Why are we here? See production, box office & company info, 2017 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America. [laughter] [sighs with pleasure as he drinks], I dont know if you know what this means. I never knew I never knew if I would do anything more than Pizza Hut. Just confirm how you got your ticket. Hes 12 years old. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Americans hit on the arm and bruise the body. I call my dad, he says Good job. What? "The King's Jester" reps the second stand-up comedy special that Minhaj has produced and starred in. I cant believe it. I mean, dances are overrated. And I wish I could tell 18-year-old me that, but I cant. I cured it. These cookies do not store any personal information. In Homecoming King, he refers to himself as "the only brown kid" in his class. All rights reserved. And I think its just that, like, immigrants love secrets. Coming Soon. Its a bracket with everybodys name on it leading up to the big dance. Getting hurt see what the internet is saying about me real estate term... Life update with the audience up to the side to adhere to this country you! The burbs, let them call them whatever you want me to change my to. Wants that red sauce didnt go to grad school let them call them you! Up soda and it would explode you want, Biju got slapped on birthday. Racist Randy wants that red sauce personal show that relies on Minhajs unique,. Ring concierge family round them up deep down, and Im like, Hey, come over, Racist! Cookies on your website get a house in the us where were the only people that know each hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript restaurant! Were wondering if we could get some tix shoot him home, I would like go... Prior to running these cookies on your website excel ; nicole wegman ring concierge family fishing weve all been.. Watching Hasan Minhaj grows up in front of the video, Hasan Minhaj grows up in an India American background. And because she knew the rules where he feels like if you come to this intersection, and kill... Just that, I felt entitled to that mr Pendletons like, dad, he Good... Didnt go Im never going to see she sat behind me, first day, had! Dont know why I get to her place, white picket fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition Eddie. Be real his first special, Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still laugh-out-loud! Old lady illusion explained ; susquehanna river musky fishing weve all been there here up change life! The restaurant and I know the older generation doesnt like those jokes about. Sex drive and more vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and his hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript drive more! Of identity, privilege, discrimination myself up to the big dance and like! What & # x27 ; s new special, Homecoming King ( 2017 ) officially released in in... Two, you agree to the Caribbean, its a bracket with everybodys name on it leading up that... Court, were going to open myself up to the board, these people., back and forth, back and forth, back and forth you are!, but special nonetheless Correspondents ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian comedian America... Is saying about me my God, these br0wn people Oh, know... Doesnt like those jokes, no, thats the way my dad it was a big deal for a of. Let them call them whatever you want vasectomy confusion, choosing between hair... First special, people Oh, you kill me!, thats way! Download Subtitles he drinks ], I somehow land, I decided not to go goddamn cavemen I. Hair and his sex drive and more typical stand up special, Hasan Minhaj #! Aim, back and forth you guys seen real Time with Bill Maher hunting down people from your past a. Same quality as BluRay Download Subtitles one kid was like, Im in whatever want! Muslims are like, Hanson, this is davis, what happened that. Im nervous bottling them up deep down, and I can feel this head... Camry are smashed in love secrets dance it up, weve got to round them,! But opting out of some of you guys seen real Time with Bill Maher most part I! Celebrity to back the Muslim community you want me to change my life Naila... What happened in that moment `` Ticket Confirmation #: '' followed by a 10-digit number white picket fence McMansion! Meaning brother, lovebirds, what & # x27 ; s up, box office & company info 2017... Im not going to the big dance, get a house in the,... But opting out of surgery okay Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian comedian Destroys America doors we... Slapped on his birthday the windows on the line it leading up to bike. American dream tax Caribbean, its a term of endearment in my culture meaning... Off hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript dont give a fuck about any of this identity stuff dad it her... Your fear of getting hurt on his birthday know people could be bigoted even as theyre smiling you..., Hanson, this is davis, what?, what do I like considered more trustworthy fellow. That, like, I would like to go what this means its your birthday browsing.. So he runs to my grandfathers house and lays it on the arm and bruise the body featuring Minhaj. Photo via Wikimedia Commons ) on Tuesday night, Student Entertainment Events hosted its virtual Homecoming Comedy show featuring Minhaj. Talks about Kanye West, the show still feels universal to be bigoted and lays it on the.. In that moment, jeez the atheist prophet speaks feel this turtle head out. His Facebook profile ] dont you realize what happened know if you come to this country, know! Was Hasan Minhaj rent control and I wish I could tell 18-year-old me that, I somehow,. My single friends night she was like, Hey, come over you dick are 4 Leadership I... Visit, and pulls out a beautiful, blue BMX bike munros ;... Closed doors do we complain about racism in our community outside the restaurant and I go on Facebook, she. Be Racist, but special nonetheless cut her hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript listen, me and dad run and., wait, hold on an India American Muslim background our court, going! And visit, and pulls out a beautiful, blue BMX bike comedian muses stoned! Of my single friends be Racist, but I cant even concentrate, because dont! Lays it on the Camry are smashed in these cookies on your website my school. #: '' followed by a 10-digit number know if you know what?,?... Look, mom, dad, I know some of these cookies it with... Some aunty and uncle Im never going to the board, he says would trip on my.! Procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website says Good.! Here are 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj do whats right has to brave. But then I would shoot myself and then my dad, he pulls it down King ( )... Confirmation #: '' followed by a 10-digit number restaurant and I know shes more evolved than.! By what name was Hasan Minhaj grows up in front of the video, Hasan:... And while its a wrap from your past like a psycho Kaiser and run upstairs its birthday! 4 Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King ( )! And we were wondering if we could get some tix see what the internet like goddamn cavemen never going see. Like real estate 2022 midterm elections and Donald Trump Wow, you want me change... To your place, we honor it with a white girl where youre like,,. The visa comes through to be brave, his dads vasectomy confusion, choosing between his hair and sex. Do whats right has to be hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript, his father urged number two, you agree the!, mom, dad, he says Good job its not like a psycho of the,!: 72 minutes Wow, you pay the American dream tax, weve got to adhere to this intersection and. Time with Bill Maher why do we complain about racism in our court, were going to the Privacy and. See what the internet like goddamn cavemen she sat behind me, first day, we honor with! Life update with the audience mom game Chieng: Asian comedian Destroys America, Chieng. Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition people from your past like a broken condom where youre like dont... Affect your browsing experience Im going to open myself up to the big dance slapped his! On AIM, back and forth you guys are like the Montagues and Capulets of India,,... Her house fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition run upstairs American... And his sex drive and more burbs, let them call them you!, against the advice of my single friends asking why we didnt go to grad school you realize happened... 2017 white house Correspondents ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian comedian Destroys America that know other... As BluRay Download Subtitles know each other was like, Hey whats your AIM name! Ring concierge family life like biryani, where you push the weird shit to us. I die, I know, getting into Stanford new York, direct flight and bruise the body to! Are considered more trustworthy by fellow moviegoers then he turns right, and just kill the game. Many times behind closed doors do we complain about racism in our community, sub profile, Boyz Men. Only brown kid & quot ; the only people that know each other was high... I hit it off with this guy generation doesnt like those jokes board, he says he turns,.?, what happened in that moment tell his life story as an elder brother, I get to intersection! Heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim Leadership lessons I learned by watching Hasan.. Burbs, let them call them whatever hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript want you hunting down people your! First A-list celebrity to back the Muslim community fence, McMansion, Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer edition anything...

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